Home alone again... Seems to be the common theme around here. I keep playing sappy songs of heartache which only makes me more sad, but it does seem to help the loneliness a little. I have moved my kids to two different states in three years and looks like I will be moving them back to New York with family. This all seems so surreal, so foreign to me. I can't believe I am here in this moment it seems like a bad dream. Life carries on, but who really is affected? I know i am broken hearted, but what about my kids? How could we have failed at this job? How will they handle this...this loss in their lives? I think I hurt more for them and knowing what is about to happen just intensifies the pain. Is it OK to wish that he would wake up and realize what he is tearing into pieces? He has no affection for me, yet I find myself wishing he would just want to stay. In all this sadness there does seem to be a fire lit within me, one I haven't felt in a while. I think it is a part of me that has been lost for a long time, it almost makes me feel alive. I keep thinking I need to move ahead with my life, and this spark in me seems to be my strength of survival, like a friend assuring me that I will be OK. Only time will make this better, and in this moment I wish I could fast forward...