Sometimes when reality sets in, that reality is just too impossible to accept. It is like a slap in the face, so hard that it knocks you down. Well I'm officially down, and it is devastating. My brain is starting to rationalize now, and my inner self is helping me make sense of this madness. I have decided that I need to take a leave of absence from work( if they will let me) and take my kids to go stay with family for a few weeks to get away from this hell. School does not start for another month so this gives me time to step away from the situation and just "be" for a little while to hopefully begin to heal my heart. I am not sure what steps are after that, it's one day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute, breath by breath...